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'What has brought you life today?'
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Tuesday, June, 08, 2010
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by John Fischer
I have a friend who likes to experiment with new ways of beginning a conversation. He's kind of forced into this because he works with homeless teenagers in an inner city district where it's hard to start a conversation with "How are you?" when the unpleasant answer kind of screams in your face without anything being said.
There are ways in which we say hello to people that indicate whether or not we intend on engaging them in conversation or just politely dismissing them. I think first we have to ask ourselves if we really care. If you really care about the answer, you are probably not going to ask someone "How are you?" Maybe it will be a version of the familiar phrase, like "How are you, really?" or maybe it will be something else. My friend has a question to suggest: "What has brought you life today?"
Now that will stop you in your tracks. What made you sit up and take notice of the fact that you are actually alive? What made your heart beat faster? What got your attention? Something in the news? A God moment? A phone call from your daughter? A brush with death? What made you know you were alive today?
It's a valid question that cuts through much of our mundane existence. If you can go through an entire day without coming up with anything that made you feel alive, it doesn't necessarily mean there wasn't anything; it just means you didn't notice it. That's why the question is a good one. It draws something of value out of us.
As it is set up now, "What has brought you life today?" is more of an end of the day question. And for those of you who are reading this first thing in the morning, a slight adjustment may need to be made. You might want to think about living today in such a way as to have an answer to that question later on. You might want to plan on making some things happen that you know would bring you life, like that phone call to your daughter, for instance. In other words: make life happen, don't just let it pass by in front of you.
And then think about using this kind of opener on someone else. Just be sure you are awake and alert when you do, because chances are you will get a real answer that will demand engagement. As my Denver friend says: "I want you to explore for yourself what brings others to life. I want you to open your canned conversation starters and find ways to step into others lives not around them."
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