In The Tank Comments

Reference Text
A new point of reference Wednesday, June, 09, 2010
by John Fischer

I have so much to learn about being a friend. I feel so awkward around people I don't know. I've finally figured out what this is. I'm feeling awkward around people I don't know because they don't know me, at least they don't know who I am.

Most of my career I have traveled in circles where if I wasn't the center of attention, I was running a close second. In such environments I am never at a loss for conversation. People want to talk to me; they have questions they want to ask me. I feel at home in that world, but it's not the real world. It's an artificial world where most of the conversations are scripted.

So that's it. My hang-up is my selfishness. No wonder I want to become invisible in a group of people I don't know. They don't know me. There is no point of reference. How can I possibly strike up a conversation with someone who doesn't know who I am (or as Marti likes to put it—who I once was)?

This is truly tragic. I only hope I've discovered this in time to do something about it. It's a pretty simple solution, really. Just need a new point of reference. The new point of reference is everyone else. They are the stars. They are the ones I want to interview. They are the ones I'm waiting to talk to. They are the ones I am full of questions about.

Lord forgive me for asking everyone to cater to me. Show me how to cater to others. Give me a new perspective, and may I learn how to make everyone else the topic of my conversation.


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Today's date: Tuesday, September 07, 2010
David Kelling Thursday, June 10, 2010
I met you in a church retreat setting years ago and actually spent some significant time talking to you. I instantly get what you are talking about. I hope you find the anticipation and delight in being in a situation where people do NOT know who you are; to find out if you can connect with someone by bringing your gifts to bear on a situation outside of people's expectations/knowledge of you and your persona/reputation. I mean that last part in the best possible way! Like me, I think lot of people are (at least at first) intimidated by someone who--to them--is way "up" there in some way and has encouraged and inspired them. I know you say things over and over consistent with the idea that you know you are not above them in any way at all, but here we fans are: human beings. I think it would be really fun to be you and jump in with some strangers and get to feed people some stuff they were just NOT expecting! I have learned recently that I have much to offer people outside of my "Christian Ghetto," to quote something I heard someone say years ago, that inspired me... ;-)

John Fischer Responds
Okay... (I think.)

Sandra Sutherland Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Cambridge, Ontario, Canada
A very courageous disclosure. You are not alone in this condition - just one of the minority willing to share the humbling truth. Thank you.

Melissa Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Back to the basics, John! I am a people person and I think you are too! Back to the simplistic idea of introduction, of wanting to be friendly and reach out to others. I work in a court house as an IT person. It struck me one day that people might be there waiting in the hallway with great uncertainty and just a friendly smile might be a good idea. It works!

John Fischer Responds
You are bringing the kingdom of God there.

Olen Jonesd Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Rancho Cucamonga, CA, USA
Warren Bennis once said, "Boredom is what happens when I fail to make someone interesting."

dianne Wednesday, June 09, 2010
what a courageous admission, john ~ and if we're honest we're all in your shoes at some time or other. thanks for giving us the opportunity to redeem who knows how many moments ahead of us for the sake of the "stars" in our paths. please help us, Lord! :-)

Mila Wain Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Pursuing friendship has been a common thread in what I have sent and received this week and this post underscores that point once again. Thank you for your honesty. Your words hit a nerve for me as I know I struggle with feeling very comfortable in large groups of people. I am fine when I have a job, a role, a task, etc in a group setting and that is often the way it is in ministry...so that is how I cope.
And then there's the need to be interested in the interests of others. A big role reversal. I need to BE that friend that I wish to have.

John Fischer Responds
Yes. I think we all have lots to do about this.

Greg Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Little Elm, TX
P.S. "I'm Proud of You: Life Lessons from My Friend Fred Rogers" ... several used paperbacks of this book available at Amazon for $.01 ;)

Burdette Rosendale Wednesday, June 09, 2010
HI John. Good notice. I am sure it is not too late. It is never too late to make a different choice.

John Fischer Responds
Thanks for the reminder.

Greg Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Little Elm, TX
When I read this morning's catch I thought about Fred Rogers and what a wonderful way he had of making everyone around him feel like the star. The book "I'm Proud of You: Life Lessons from My Friend Fred Rogers" by Tim Madigan is a great story about a journalist's friendship with Fred Rogers that started with an interview that was part of a writing project about children's television and continued on to the end of Fred's life. Very inspiring story about a unique and inspiring man.

John Fischer Responds
You are so right about this.

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